get it on with the Two Finger Squirter

with getting older, sometimes things which are great for kids appear just different…

I guess I need to blame my twisted mind, but have a look at the picture like Elmos Experiments, what does he wanna experiment with after undressing…

… does Santa squeak after the Reindeer’s Big Night … find it out with the Christmas squeak book …

…  or the ET-Finger cover the box and tell me what is your first thought about this “finger”…

and now for all who really only looked because of the title …

The 2 Finger Squirter

… not sure what the designers had in mind when creating that stuff.

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King Tanksy or how to spell Moron

Once in a while you come across people where you just can’t believe that idiots like that really exist. One of those specimens is the self announced King of Morons or simply King Tanksy. King Tanksy has obviously an IQ which barely meets the average IQ of rotten sandwich spread, but he has good friends…

Well, at least that is what King Moron thinks. I am sure everyone of my valued reader came across one of that low life individuals, who try to buy their friends and pay them to stick the head shoulder-deep in the persons rectum… oops, sorry, of course I mean to defend him.

That is who King Tanksy presents himself on myspace to impress ... hmm not sure who he want to impress, well maybe he just wanna make us laugh ...

That is who King Tanksy shows himself on myspace to impress ... hmm not sure who he want to impress, well maybe he just wanna make us laugh ...

Our King Tanksy found some perfect friends in the Philippines in a certain City, which are generally nice people and very respected from my side (at least one of them). Sadly they provide King Moronsky, even a platform to produce himself and dump his mental rubbish into the public. He gets there by buying them airline-tickets for the family invites them to weekend-trips, never-ending amounts of alcoholic beverages and basically anything they mention.

I do understand them up to a certain level. As a kind of public person I also need to meet people I don’t like and smile for a few hours, some even try to “buy” me, what won’t happen as IMHO character matters.

Well, let’s go back to our self announced King of Morons… Tanksy is desperate to stay in the center of the spotlight and there is nothing more frustrating for him than getting ignored. There is no way to be accidentally in a Bar with King Tanksy, where he does not try to stand in the center of attention. He is doing that with throwing around money, paying rounds for each and everyone who kiss his puwet. He gets totally high-blood when ignored, but got his paid backslapper to make him feel good again.

(King Tanksy, that is why you get this article, finally you have my full and unlimited attention, at least for 600 words…).

It is a little bit sad that I got kicked of a forum as I wanted to copy paste some of his pictures and written words (I am sure there is a language anywhere in that universe where those weird letter combination are valid words) . That guy has extremely problems to write so complicated words like “I”. I heard through the bamboo-telegraph that King Tanksy’s Microsoft – spell-check just resigned from the job due to overexertion.

However, for that issue he has his paid friends, so he sends a huge amount of random letters via email to them and a team of experts tries to decipher them to throw really meaningful sentences like “King Tanksy is back, everybody (who kiss my ass… added by editor) is invited”.

The latest bamboo telegraph-rumor has it, that he now starts threatening people with physical violence in the Philippines.

As he is a contractor working for the US Army in Afghanistan, I wonder how his employer reacts on that issue what I would say is basically a form of terrorism … well, I better stop now and submit the post before he also want to break my knee-caps … or hands..

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Off to Guam

Well, we all know that there are some weird laws in the world. The reason why I copy the following ones is a mail I received and one of the laws below is my inspiration for my new job. :

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than ‘going blind!’)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland , USA it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only ‘in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.’

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let’s just think for a minute; is there
any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

Ok, I did a google research and now I am 110% sure where I am heading to..

So now I need to apologise… sorry to all my friends and drinking mates.

I am off to Guam and start a new career :-)

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Be thankful everyday

yeah, be thankful everyday, for today we are thankful that the photographer did not catch this wonderful moment from the other side…

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The Land of the Free

I remember somehow that this words are part of a “popular song” which lyrics continue “and the home of the brave”. Well, looking at the pictures below it clearly shows brave people in a free land… or maybe just a bunch of nutcases which are colorblind and do not own a mirror ?

hmmm, so how can it be that bare boobs flashing for a second are not allowed in TV but that things are allowed to walk through public areas, where kids are around. I thought there are security guards at the entrances, Shouldn’t they do their job and protect the public ?

I guess Wall-Mart is really the home of the braves..

... well my necklace looked bigger in the mirror, I thought it covers more

... well your necklace looked bigger in the mirror, guess you thought it covers more...

I rather invest $6.92 to cuddle with one of the staff-toys

I rather invest $6.92 to cuddle with one of the staff-toys

You Got the Job ... !!!!!

You Got the Job ... !!!!!

Mate, no need to hold on, NOBODY will steal her from you !!!

Mate, no need to hold on, NOBODY will steal her from you !!!

OUCH.. that picture hurts more than the 2 pounds of bleach I poured in my eyes NOT to see it

OUCH.. that picture hurts more than the 2 pounds of bleach I poured in my eyes NOT to see it

Darling if you loose 40 Kilo and look carefully straight down, you might be able to find your Kid ...

Darling if you loose 40 Kilo and look carefully straight down, you might be able to find your Kid ...

Sweetheart, your chances for your dreams come true are much bigger if yuo wear this bright red shirt in Barcelona in the middle of a Bullfighting arena!!!

Sweetheart, your chances for your dreams come true are much bigger if you wear this bright red shirt in Barcelona in the middle of a traditional Spanish Bullfighting arena!!!

Hon, you already got a date tonight ???

Hon, you already got a date tonight ???

GUAAAARRRRRDDDDD - don't you see she steals 136 pounds of Feta Chees in a pink trash-bag ???

GUAAAARRRRRDDDDD - don't you see she steals 136 pounds of Feta Cheese in a pink trash bag ????

Wall-Mart, truly the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. Find more of this Brave People on http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

give me a break…

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Breast Implant for Christmas

Well, if you looking for a bit an extraordinary christmas gift, how about some breast implants. No not for you girls, for guys. To be a bit more exact for REAL guys.That makes even an computer-geek to a real eye-catcher.

How about some breast impants for a tattoo. Give your hot chick on the arm or leg some more depth and another dimension. A breast implant for a tattoo is the way to go if you need a bit more attention. A normal tattoo is out. With a breast implant in a tattoo you are interesting for people.

A breast implant for a tattoo helps you to get in contact with people. Maybe you suffer from a small d#$@, or are plain ugly. Well With that you are interesting for your surroundings, get attention of the hottest chicks and can show up everywhere. You don’t need to bring your new flirt outside the club anymore to show your bike or fancy car. You can show your breast implant right away.

Maybe you think this is a crazy idea, well I think the same but there are people who do that kind of stuff. They call that breast implant for tattoos I think body art. Call it what you want, I think it is sick.

Maybe I just get too old. But look for yourself at the yummy breast implants in the tattoo of an canadian guy:

Life would be pretty boring if we would be all the same. So maybe the breast implants for a tattoo are a new hip trend and we all want it in the next years…

gimme a break

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Fisch mit Menschenzähnen

… und die Bild-Zeitung hat wieder zugeschlagen. Diesmal hat man einen Fisch mit Menschenzähnen in einem Ural-see in Russland gefunden. Ja Gut, nicht die Bild direkt. Die Bild fand den Artikel nur in der Pravda.

Natürlich haben die Wissenschaftler keine Ahnung was für ein Fisch das ist.

Hier der orginal Artikel der Bild:

Mutation, Sprung in der Evolution oder einfach nur Angler-Latein? Ein unheimlicher Fisch mit Menschenzähnen soll in Russland gefangen worden sein. Das berichtet die russische Zeitung „Prawda“.

In einem See im Ural, 40 Kilometer von Chelyabinsk entfernt, entdeckte ein Fischer angeblich ein Netz, das sich im Schilf verfangen hatte. Er zog es heraus, die meisten Fische darin waren tot. Doch einer lebte noch – und sah erschreckend aus: Er hatte kräftige weiße Zähne wie ein Mensch!

Der Fischer, unter Schock, ließ das Tier zunächst am Ufer liegen. Später kam er zurück, bedeckte den inzwischen gestorbenen Fisch dick mit Salz, um ihn zu konservieren. Wissenschaftler sahen sich den Fund an, haben aber bisher keine Erklärung.

Sie glaubten zunächst, es handele sich um einen Saugkarpfen der Gattung Ictiobus. Diese Art war in den 80er-Jahren in der Region angesiedelt und gezüchtet worden.

Die Zähne allerdings sind unerklärlich und untypisch für diese Fische!

Einen ähnlichen Fall gab es bereits 2006 in Lubbock (US-Staat Texas): Auch dort hatte ein Fisch menschenartige Zähne. Trotz vieler Theorien (u. a., es könnte sich um eine bisher unbekannte Form eines Piranhas handeln) konnte die Art nie eindeutig bestimmt werden.

Gut ich bin jetzt natürlich kein Wissenschaftler. Für mich schaut der Fisch aber dem im Amazonas vorkommenden Pacu (naher, aber harmloser Verwanter des Piranah) sehr ähnlich…

…aber was kann ich schon über Fische wissen, wenns die Bild und nicht mal Wissenschaftler heraus bekommen …

give me a break…

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Hon I love you - Give me money

Many “tourists” to south east Asia heard that “give me Money” statement before. Some South east Asian countries are very famous for that. Internet scamming is great business and fills pockets.

Millions of dollars are send daily via western Union.

As soon the blood of a guy goes below the belt the brain does not work anymore and they pay for medication, 7 kidney operations and the grandpas burial.

Did I forget the high school fees for all brothers, cousins.

I know people who bought houses and the trusted gardener is the real husband of that guys “wife”

Well, I know… your girl is of course different…

gimme a break…

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Ossi mit Schwan verprügelt

Ich les nicht mehr viel in deutschen Zeitungen und Internet seiten, aber die Schlagzeile “Ossi mit Schwan verprügelt” hat doch irgendwie meine Neugier geweckt.

Wo sonst als in der BILD - Zeitung kann man sowas finden. Hier der Artikel zum Schwanschlagen:

„Ick will ’ne Cola!“ Weil ihnen der Dialekt eines Brandenburgers auf die Nerven ging, drehten zwei Bayern durch: Sie packten einen Schwan, droschen mit dem armen Tier auf den Ostdeutschen ein! Jetzt standen die Brutalos vor Gericht.

Der Tatort: Ein Imbiss an der Isar in München. Dort orderte Steven L. (34) eine Cola – was die Bayern Sebastian P. (19) und Istvan Z. (34) sofort losbrüllen ließ: „Verpiss dich, Ossi-Sau!“ Damit nicht genug, packte Sebastian P. einen Schwan, schlug mit ihm auf den Brandenburger ein! Als das Opfer schrie „lass das Tier los“, attackierte das Duo ihn mit Fäusten, einer Flasche und einem glühenden Grill! Der Vogel entkam, das Opfer lag 6 Tage in der Klinik.

Die Schläger wurden gestern in zweiter Instanz wegen gefährlicher Körperverletzung zu zwei Jahren Haft auf Bewährung verurteilt.

Ich würde Lügen, wenn ich sagen würde :”Ich war geschockt”. Die Realität ist dass Ich herzlich gelacht habe. Ich hab irgendwann mal gehört “Miä Bayern hom hald Dradition…” Ich weiss zwar nicht ob “Schwanschlagen” dazugehört, Ich glaub aber dass es für Zuschauer mindestens so interessant ist wie Fingerhakeln oder Masskrugstemmen…

Ich wundere mich wer die Behandlung des Schwans bezahlt, da ich davon ausgeh, dass dieser unter erheblichen Halsschmerzen leidet

Gimme a break….

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New shoes for my girl

My Girlfriend is a good girl, so I decided that it is time to get her a new pair of sexy high heels, beach-slippers and some shoes for running around at home.

I spend the last few weeks a bit more money than I should, so I needed to be very careful how to spend the money wisely.

At the end I found out that I have everything already at home to make her really happy.

When I was young my mama told me that the best presents are home-made. I put all my effort in the projects : sexy high heals for my Girlfriend. I really hope she likes them.

She comes home soon, either she likes them and I have the best night of my life, or I get my big german butt kicked harder than a Baseball-bat hits the ball in the finals…

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Women are adorable, probably the best thing god ever created, at least when it comes to the design. Living with them is sometimes a bit tricky.

The following is the simple Number 1 rule

So guys, feel free to copy it, print it out and give it to your lovely wife when she serves you your next beer…
1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU’RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT’S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON’T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.
1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT’S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.
1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.
1. IF YOU THINK YOU’RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON’T ASK US.
1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE
1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.
NOT BOTH. IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.
1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.
1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.
1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS. PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.
1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY ‘NOTHING,’ WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING’S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.
1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON’T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR.
1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE… REALLY.
1. DON’T ASK US WHAT WE’RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS BASEBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.
1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.
1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.
1. I AM IN SHAPE. Round IS A SHAPE!

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON’T MIND THAT? IT’S LIKE CAMPING.

gimme a break…

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You want the best, you got the best - the hottest group of the world… thats how KISS still start their show… Being one of the scandal groups late 70’s and 80’s and 90’s and still making noise, they survived Sex, drugs and alcohol… even the Rolling Stones seem to be alive… nah… to a certain degree..

I don’t know why I came across Andreas Muenzer and his dramatic death, barely 30 years old) in the last few weeks a coulpe of time. That guy tried really hard to get in Arnies footsteps. He died some years ago after one contest in the states.

Here is his drug plan before a competition…

10-9 Weeks before the Competition daily: Ephederine, AN 1, Captagon,
Aspirine, Valium, Clenbuterol

8-6 weeks before the Competition daily: 2 injects Testoviron a 250 mg
1 inject Parabolan
30 tabletts Halotestin
30 tabletts Metandienon
20 IE* STH
20 IE* Insuline

5-3 weeks before the Competition daily: 3 injects Masteron
2 injects Parabolan
30 tabletts Halotestin
50 tabletts Stromba
2 injects Stromba
24 IE* STH

2-1 weeks before the Competition daily: 2 injects Masteron
2 injects Stromba
40 tabletts Halotestin
80 tabletts Stromba
24 IE* STH
Insuline
IGF

A few days before the Competition: Aldactone, Lasix

and that all to look like that ???

WTF… can’t be the girls… with that amount of drugs you won’t need your liitle “Andi” anyway….

A good character and 50 Peso sunglases are enough where I live to impress the most beautiful ladies in the whole wide world…

gimme a break…

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Snow White or its only too hot

It was about 3 pm today and I am sitting in my office, just bought some new domains and working on setting them up. Working since 6 am on it i was already a bit tired. The feet in a bucket of ice-water, the electric fans full speed in my face and all processors running on maximum… Yes it’s summer in Dumaguete.

Our Advertising officer was sitting on the telephone going through some routine-stuff and follow-ups, and it must be the temperature, cause suddenly I heard how she was talking to Snow White !!!

Yes Miss Snow White I just want to….

That caught my attention and no I was not dreaming… she was talking to Snow White for about 30 minutes. I was serious concerned and looked already online if there are similar cases and what to do against that problem.

Maybe she wanted to line up the seven dwarfs to take care of our garden?

I know that people give their kids sometimes funny names but Snow White is definitely over the top.

If that Snow White is not a real beauty she must go through hell in life sometimes…

give me a break…

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NO I am not a woman but I need to laugh out loud while reading through the article of Times-online.

I hope you enjoy like I did. Its about a latest published book by Sarah Vine and Tania Kindersley, authors, journalists and most importantly women.

Their new book, Backwards in High Heels, is a riotously funny instruction manual for having it all - except the bits you don’t want.
The Great Conspiracy of Silence.

The unwritten rule of parenthood is that you never let on to non-parents what it’s really like. This is particularly acute in the early stages, pregnancy and the pre-school years. This was once described by one sleep-deprived father as the great parental conspiracy of silence. It goes like this:

Your friend announces she is pregnant. You are, of course, delighted. You meet, for coffee (yours is a double espresso, since the children have been up all night), to talk about it. She wants to know everything, or so she says.

Here’s what you tell her:

1. It doesn’t matter if she gets fat, the weight will drop off afterwards, especially if she breastfeeds.

2. The birth itself isn’t that bad, and anyway your body is biologically programmed to forget the pain.

3. Breastfeeding can be a little tricky to start with, but in the end she’ll get the hang of it.

4. You get used to not having as much sleep as you used to.

5. The experience of looking after a newborn can really bring two people together.

Here’s what you actually mean: Read the rest of this entry »

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Bubble shooter-get addicted

Sometimes when you work online you need a break. I found that game and spent hours the last year to crack the million. Finally I did i, call me the hero…

The best strategy is to clear one color after another. if you are down to two colors make sure you don’t clear the whole field with one shot…

I know it is too wide for the template I use here.
I don’t care, I like to play it on my own website

and here it is…. the most addictive game in the world:

  • live
  • in color
  • and stereo

Bubble shooter:

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